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Source: XTube (aidendobie)

I’ve had the sneezes and a runny nose for the past few days. I thought it was allergies, but when I woke up this morning and blew out green from every orifice in my body, I realized that I have a cold. It has to be the same one Jason just got over, that he got from the Comcast dipshit. Which reminds me that I’m waiting for a call back from them. I’ve had to call them, if not once a week, once a month with issues since we got service here over 7 months ago. Every time, they’re like, ‘we will credit your account for the two days it was out, so $2′. I told them that I want their supervisor to call me back and let me know what they’re going to do to keep me as a customer, because when I signed up for service and pay my bill, I expect consistent reliable service. I don’t like wasting my time being on the phone for hours at a time, just to get a $2 credit here, or a $5 credit there. I just want good service. Plus I was going to remind them that this shitty cold I have is from their tech, and I don’t have insurance, or even enough money to buy cold medicine. They were supposed to call me back, and I found myself calling THEM back this morning. Due to heavy call volume, I opted for a call back from them, and I’m still waiting. Luckily I actually wrote down the reference number for the ‘case’, so I can chalk it up as an example of their unprofessionalism and lack of organization. I really don’t see them doing much though. Maybe offer me free TV service for 6 months, at which time they probably raise it to $120 a month if I don’t cancel. Shady-ass monopolies.

So it’s a minor relief that the rent will get paid sometime this week. But then my $50 payment for my cell phone is due Wednesday, which is our only phone, so I have to find a way to pay that. Then within 2 weeks, we gotta scrape up about $275 for the other bills like water, electricity, gas, etc. I’m waiting for this month’s electric bill, because I think they have screwed me. My bills have been around $75/month for electricity alone. Then I bitched saying there’s no way we are using this much power, so they had the meter-reading box changed to a newer one. They left me a note saying that the old meter was fine, but then my monthly bill ALL OF THE SUDDEN dropped $25. We didn’t change our electricity habits either. So if I get the bill this month again, and it’s still low, I might even take them to small claims court, with evidence of negligence. They might claim that is was the ‘winter’ bills, but being that we didn’t even really HAVE a winter this year, it’s not going to be a very good excuse. Thanks to the internet, I can even arm myself with weekly and monthly temperature averages. I just think that if the old box was somehow charging me an extra $25/month, than I should at least be credited for $25/month x 7 months worth of the old box. I’m also going to call one of the front desk secretaries that don’t know crap, and ask them what the monthly bill was a year ago at this time and see if that is a drastic difference as well. I don’t see that printout on my bill, because it was a different resident, but the secretary should tell me without even thinking about it.

We finally got our food-stamp deposit last week, so we are eating healthy again. We tried to just get fruits, veggies, bread, milk, eggs, and juices. I’ve also been trying to pro-biotic yogurt, and I think it’s making a huge difference in my diet. I feel less pain in my stomach, I feel healthier, and I seem to be eating a lot less, which is good. I tend to starve myself everyday, and gorge on food like twice a day. I’ve been trying to eat 5 small meals a day, and when I do eat, only eat healthy. I saw on the news the other day, that they are cutting food stamps. Supposidly, it’s part of the ‘austerity measures’. That when it was time to pass the new budget, the dems and reps made a pact. The dems said that if there wasn’t a budget in place by the beginning of May, the military budget would automatically be cut. The reps said that if the budget deal wasn’t reach, that social services would be cut, like Food Stamps, Meals on Wheels, and Medicare. Well, a budget was never announced, so the automatic measures went into place. With one exception. The military budget was to be UNTOUCHED, yet the social services got a huge blow. The cut to Food Stamps alone will affect more than 45 million Americans. All so the military can remain untouched. Just so everyone is clear, this means that all the tax dollars are going towards things like building/operating drones to spy on Americans, centers to track and store all of your cell phone, email, and television information, operating US military bases in almost EVERY country in the world. All while they let the elderly and poor starve in our own country. So when you pay taxes, instead of helping people in need, most of it is going towards programs that are working to make you, the average citizen, the target. The more you pay into the system, the more they are taking away from you, and it makes me sick.

So the first day of summer is creeping in, and Jason and I have no idea what to do. I’m starving for some web-design work, or photo editing/retouching. I have the skills and technology I need to be successful, I guess I’m just not outgoing enough of a person to make it happen. I’ve made my landlord’s business thousands of dollars already with their new website, and they are so appreciative of the work I did. Which is only more frustrating, because that shows me that I’m on the right track, but the track seems to be incomplete. So it’s back to frustration.

I have a gold coin, and the generator from the RV. That is our only back-up. If we lose all of our money, or can’t make the bills next month, that is our last hope. With the coin and the generator combined, we could pay 1.25 months worth of bills. After that, we have nothing though, so that’s been our last resort. I’m scared though, that we will be paying our bills next month with that. I sure as hell hope not. I’m so tired of stressing over money. I have a reliable vehicle (when I can afford a $200 tune-up), I have a license and the ability to drive, I know how to order plane tickets, reserve a hotel room. I know what to pack to go on an adventure, I know what to do with the cats. I have the willpower, the energy, the drive. But pieces of green fucking paper is the only thing that keeps me from being who and where I want to be. Just paper. Paper made and organized by people who are free to do what THEY want, and go wherever they want to go, all in the name of freedom and democracy.

I still think I wasn’t supposed to be born in this generation. I was meant to be born in the 20′s or 30′s. When times were simple, and hard work really paid off. I have a newspaper Jason got me, from 1890. You look in the classifieds section, and there are about 5 pages BACK AND FRONT, FULL of jobs! And the text is so small, you can barely read it. Then I flip open the current newspaper, and there are about 6 jobs, most being a scam or Avon crap. I’ve seriously thought about immigrating to another country. Leaving the facade of freedom behind. Maybe I just have selfish desires, and my priorities are out of whack. Maybe. But I have realized something. My want to travel, is really just a glimpse into what I really want. Freedom. Freedom to go where I want to, when I want to. To have no worries. If I want to wake up tomorrow, and look out my window to mountains, I want that. If I want to wake up at the beach, I can make it happen. No worries. I feel that this is the freedom that we were meant to have as Americans. That is the freedom we were/are meant to have. Not be locked in cages working for the same stuff we wipe our ass with, while everything we enjoy is held over our head in threat of losing it all.

I’m just going to keep working towards my goals with all the energy I have left in me. Either I reach my dreams, or I die trying. Either way I will find peace. I don’t want to be rich, I just want to be free.

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Awesome quote from a really cool movie called ‘Little Miss Sunshine’

Think of that that moment in your life, when you were the happiest. That moment was in your brain the entire time. You still possess that happiness, but most people let the fears and wants that society burdens you with, control them. You are only as happy as you allow yourself to be. We also live in a society that people put pressure on each other to join in or get left behind. Like the human consciousness has gone with the flow of the free-market. Fuck that. It’s not worth working 40-hours a week to own a brand new car, and a huge mansion. Owning a house, paying a mortgage. That isn’t my dream. It’s my fear. I’ve seen so many people lose so much, that I’ve changed my dreams and goals. I want to be done with money. I want to be done with corporate slavery.

Right now, I’m trying to find the middle ground. The place that is free from slavery, yet isn’t eating out of a dumpster. I’m not a lazy person. I’m not lost in life. I’m not immature. I’m just trying to cut my own path through the forest of life, and it’s tough. Things don’t always work out, and the system wasn’t designed for people like me. But I have persistence. I have determination. I will decide how my life will be lived, not society. I know what makes me happy, not the commercials on TV. This is my life, and it was designed for me. I’m not a puppet or sheep. I am me, and I will determine my own future, and you should too.

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